on burritos and liberty

when approached by the situation of being stranded in a specific place for the rest of my life, there are only a few things that i would need to survive: food, water, and a mental capacity to resist specific hallucinatory states over a period of time due lack of human interaction. the latter skill of resisting insanity would take such a toll on ones body and mind that the stranded would need to replenish their glucose levels by introducing systematic regiment of food to their energy converter (gastrointestinal system). taking into consideration that i would be stranded within the confines of a solitary location, my situation would only permit one type of food for the rest of my waking life. and what would this eternally satisfying food take the form of? within the criteria of the situation, the food must be able to provide nutritional value that coincides with the spectrum of healthy living. by stating the term healthy living i hope to corral my food into an all encompassing 'well balanced meal'. let us focus on what we have knocked out in the process of creating these perameters i have set up thus far. first and foremost, vegemite, you are out of here! why, oh why would you kick ye olde vegemite out of the running for the coolest... ahem... excuse me... greatest and most sufficient stranded island food so early in the contest? well let me tell you why compatriots. beginning with the most obvious reason, vegemite is bland and is more boring than the white bread that you spread it on. when you introduce it to a room of new, non-vegemite saavy humanoids, it becomes obnoxious, and creates an interruption in the comfortable lifestyle at hand. the only thing louder than its light hansa yellow label is the taint that it leaves on your mouth after invades your house and leaves a mess behind in your kitchen. if there was one positive characteristic of vegemite, which may or may not exist within reality, it would have to be its cute, malty accent, that seems to make anything it is spread on much 'softer' than if it was ordinary old american margarine.
but hold on their mate, if vegemite isnt the greatest food that you could happily spend the rest of your life with, than what is? well, for one, the greatest food was invented in america, duh, and was assimilated by the mexicans who we stole the whole idea from in the first place. need i proceed with the argument? i need. i need. to all the bogans out there that need it spelled out for them due to their lack of freedom of education throughout childhood, the greatest and most wonderful food in the entire world is the burrito. packed with diverse ingredients, ranging from rice, beans, meats, vegetables, and cheeses, these wondrous blocks of the food pyramid are thrown together into a melting pot created by the hot barrier of a tortilla where they all work in unison to create a wondrous, flavor infused, dining experience. the burrito then goes on to dominate every and all taste buds in its way until it gains total control and domination of the deployment centers for the 'tastes fucking delicious' hormone.
now if you still cant understand the reasoning behind why burritos are not only my deserted island food but also the greatest food ever invented, it may just be due to the fact that you are either australian or that you have no soul.

dont let this happen to your country

listen to milt jackson

vibes

from the grave pt. 3

when confronted with a fear, the human brain has the ability to create situations that transgress the limits of what most may consider reality. in the city of diversity, these byproducts of my cranial activity manifested themselves before my eyes, and became the last things my looking balls would ever process as visual stimuli. in my viewers eyes there may be some loss in the credibility of my words after stating that what i culminated in my mind came to life. so i shall prove to our visually dependent culture that my words are true with the final photographic essay... from the grave. on a side note; as i walk through the valley in the shadow of death, i find it comforting to know that there is wi-fi, because i would be pretty bored in the afterlife without an internet connection, and you wouldn't have this deathly wonderful piece of writing genius to enjoy.

upon return to our prison we wilted our way back into the ever-so-slow process of succumbing to our foreordination. visions of a land in which we ran free within an artistic hotbed had fluttered away as quickly as our desire to live another day in the house on nevins and dean street.

but why? where is the threat? why give up in a city so great as new york? one may ask these questions if one has never been to the land of nevins and dean. for within the confines of this well insulated home holds a danger that i would never have associated with my own blood relatives. and without further adieu, i will open pandoras box in the simplest of terms. my cousins are zombies. and these zombies ate us. and once they ate a walrus. but that is another story for another night.

innocent as it may seem, the relatives seen in this picture were housing us for the sole purpose of quenching their childrens thirst for californian blood. here they are pretending to read, but they were just at the table to make sure we were keeping our flesh pristine by filling our intestinal tracts with foods such as puffins cereal.


while appearing docile, meg creates a special meal that will preserve the flavors of our skin to the utmost degree, and fully satisfy her zombie children.


again, readers may find disbelief in my words after the last two shots, due to the extremely gentle looking hosts, but one cannot deny the words any longer after seeing the zombies themselves.


do not believe for a second that the smaller zombie may have a softer side and can be coerced out of eating your flesh, for she is the most dangerous of them all.

ZOMBIE ATTACK!!!


notice the pure joy of the zombies as they walk away from the killing floor. i snapped this pic off just before rigor mortis compelled my body to take on the characteristics of a fallen willow tree. the zombies saved my upper body for mastication later on when they were hungry again.


and so i say to you dear reader, when traveling to new york, remember to pay your respects and spend three days straight in mourning at the foot of ground zero. or else you too will be wishing you had... from the grave.